The Heart's Content Blog

We’re back! These past few weeks of maternity leave have been a joyfully whirlwind. So many changes have happened in our lives that I’m so excited to share with you really soon. But the most obvious change is that we welcomed our sweet baby girl, Nora Joy, into the world. On top of that, James is now two, and oh yes, our Frenchie, Nina, is now five. So two kids…no, THREE…whoa nelly!! As I write this (with one hand I might add), I’m feeding Nora, Josh running after a naked two-year-old, and Nina is chasing right behind them. To say that we’re busy is an understatement. But one thing Josh and I have learned to be more than ever is a TEAM. Today we’re sharing a few lessons learned about working together as a team over the past few years.

1. Build a fortress. I will never forget when Josh and I were engaged, and our premarital counselor told us to create a fortress around our marriage. What he meant is to create a figurative protective barrier around each other, so that outside forces can not get in and knock down the stronghold that has been built. It means to be careful of the company you keep, and that in all circumstances, your spouse should be your line of defense, always. Create some clear boundaries for others, and stick to them.
2. Present a united front. Opinions. Everyone has them. And it’s easy to allow everyone’s opinions to influence your decisions on a daily basis. Yes, it’s great to receive advice, but it’s important for you and your spouse to always be on the same page. When in-laws, friends, family, and even your kids try to sway you from you and your spouse’s wishes, stand firm. Set clear expectations, and communicate and check-in with one another often to make sure that you are constantly on the same playing field. When the kids try to pin you against each other, and the unsolicited advice rolls in, being on the same page will prevent unnecessary conflict in the long run in your marriage.
3. Learn to fight fair. Josh and I wrote an in-depth blog post about this subject that you can read HERE. In a nutshell, it all comes down to respect. It’s easy to overreact and say or do something very damaging when things get chaotic. Before you react, take a few seconds to breathe and ask yourselves, “Is he/she worth solving this in a better way?” If the answer is yes, do it to the best of your ability.
4. Have a willing spirit. You had a long day, the boss was on your case, your car broke down, and when you get home from work you just want to sit down and take a break, but your spouse needs you to change a diaper, walk the dog, and wash the dishes. I get it, life is stressful, and sometimes you just need to get away from it all. But one thing Josh and I have learned in both parenthood and marriage is that there is no place for selfishness. It always helps to remember to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Life is not easy, but if you agree to work together it can become a bit more bearable.
5. Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! Josh and I have a rule in our marriage to “beware the silence.” For us, when things get quiet, we know something is severely wrong and we need to hash it out immediately. Communicating openly, honestly, and clearly is so very important in building a healthy relationship, and we can’t stress that enough!
6. Accept help when needed. From house projects to a little help with the kids, sometimes it helps to have a few extra hands around.You don’t have to do it all alone, and you’re not meant to. Learn to relinquish control, accept help when needed, and set clear boundaries and expectations so that your outside help is actually helpful to you. This is where being on the same page is so important. Come together, decide what you need and how you’d like to receive it, then communicate clearly to those helping you.
7. Be grateful. Always…ALWAYS say thank you. No matter how small the task, your spouse is doing it for YOU! I remember when Josh and I decided to upgrade to a mini-van, but we realized that the only way to make that purchase was for Josh to trade in his beloved sports car. It was a heart-wrenching decision for him, but he made it for us so that our family could travel safely and conveniently on a daily basis. There is no such thing as service and love without sacrifice. Always express your gratitude for every single thing your spouse does to make your teamwork, work!

Last but not least, no matter how chaotic your life and/or marriage may be, remember that you GET to live this life with your spouse. When I watch Josh changing diapers, walking the dog, and helping to potty train our two-year-old, I’m reminded how blessed I am to live this crazy, exciting, and joyful life with him. He truly is an incredible partner in life, and I couldn’t imagine doing life without him in it. Those vows you made to one another: for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live…that’s the definition of teamwork! Working together, choosing one another every day, and loving each other no matter what…at the end of the day that’s what it’s all about, and that’s where you find joy amidst all the day to day chaos.

Have some marriage advice or a story you’d like to share? Email me at adrienne@heartscontentevents.com to be a contributor for our Marriage Monday posts!

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